Fall back and hit your head, soup, and nothing else

I like it when restaurants have "soup of the moment." It makes me feel like I'm really special. Yes--I realize that they probably serve the same soup the entire day, but I just like the way it sounds. Did you know that only one ingredient needs to be added to soup for it to be called "homemade?" It's true. If you ever see "homemade" in a restaurant--it means they added 1 ingredient and that ingredient is usually water. If you see "made from scratch," that means it was all "put together" right there in the restaurant. You should always ask. Speaking of soup--I'm ready for the tempature to drop below 90 degrees in California. For the love of God--it's November. This is the time for soup and sweatshirts--not for slushes and sunscreen.

Hey blog readers--thanks for checking in. Had a pretty busy week. All is well in the land of TJ. Had two shows which both went really really well. Here are a few snaps:

Inkling Tattoo Parlor

"Our Place" in Lake Forest--great club--great people

I've decided that I will always perform wearing either a sweatshirt or a cardigan sweater. ALWAYS. Don't ask me why--I just think that's what makes me the most comfortable, so that is what I am going to wear. I will be at the Laugh Factory on Wednesday. Here is the poster for that show:

Should be a good time. If you want to know about my comings and goings as a comedian--please check out my website @ tjhuberg.net. I wanted to use tjhuberg.com--but someone else already owns it. I find that both repulsive and fascinating. Anyway--check out tjhuberg.net. New stuff will be posted on there on the regular (which is slang for often.) If you'd like to offer a "testimonial" to put on my page--please contact Megan @ tj.huberg.comedy@gmail.com. I'd LOVE to have more peeps talk about what they think of my comedy and what it's like to work with me. I'd also love to hear from students who have appreciated my use of humor in the classroom:) I think there are a few of them out there. Cool.

Today I saw that Sports Authority has Ugg boots on sale. They had a HUGE sign out front advertising the UGG BLOWOUT! What sport has ugg boots as part of the uniform? Dumb. I think sports authority should only be allowed to sell sporting equipment. After all--they are the authority--they should act like it. Have we gotten so lazy that a sporting store must resort to selling winter boots in 90 degree weather instead of active gear? Probably.

I hate Halloween, and am glad that it is over. We did not get any trick or treaters which made me super sad. 

So--tomorrow is the election and I will be glad when it is over. You all know my political views, so I won't bore you with the details. Let me just say that if the man who thinks he can control my vagina and my right to marry wins the election, I will die a little inside. I really will. Here is an EXPLICIT (i.e. Mom--you might not want to click on the link) message from my dear friend Wendy Ho. Please give it a listen: WENDY HO--reproductive rights.

GLEE is returning in 3 days, and I could NOT be happier. This might make me sound old, but when I was young--shows were on from the beginning of fall until the end of spring--with a quick break for the holidays. What is up with these shows airing for four weeks then taking four weeks off? RIDICULOUS! If I wasn't such a GLEEK--I'd tune out. Lots of shows are doing this and I really do hate it. It should be like school--HIATUS is for summer--I want new episodes every single week AND I'd like a Christmas special. Is that too much to ask for? 

As most of you know--I have been working for the past eight months or so on a documentary. After our own summer hiatus--B Naj and I have returned BTB. (back to business) To find out more about how the film is coming along--please check out our blog @ tinysuperstars.blogspot.com. We've just added a tinysuperstar to edit the film, and I'm pretty excited about the person we chose. More on that later. The film is being made and though it is taking longer than we initially thought--it'll be worth the wait.

Does anyone know (without looking it up) why butter beans are called butter beans? 

I am really really excited about the movie "Wreck it Ralph," and simply cannot wait to see it in 3D. I am looking for someone equally as excited as me to view it with. Serious inquiries only. Don't toy with me----LOL.

http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/wreckit-ralph/trailers/

It is OFFICIALLY Chicken Pot Pie month at Souplantation. Don't miss out.

Fantasy football confuses the hell out of me. I kinda want to know how it works, but feel like it would be exactly like learning a foreign language. Also--I think most people who really love fantasy football are kind of odd---except for you--yes--I'm talking to you. I know that you love fantasy football and I do not think you are weird. LOL

What happened to Mambo's 1-4, and were there more after 5?

MAMBO NUMBER 5

I think that is all I have for today. This time change thing is messing with my head. Be back sometime after the election! VOTE! Not just a right--a responsibility. Also--you get a free sticker which is the sole reason I do it! Cheers. TJ

Let's start again. Hello--my name is TJ. Welcome to my blog.

I started this blog a little over two years ago. Sometimes I'd write everyday--sometimes I'd write every month or two, and sometimes I'd take away what I had written. My blog has nearly 25,000 hits, and I think that's pretty cool. Many of my readers have been following me from the beginning, but I know that I have a lot of "newcomers" too--so I thought I'd spend today's post telling everybody a lil about me, the purpose of this blog, and all that jazz. As my comedy career takes off like a rocket (more like the challenger) and as each semester begins and ends--more and more people come into my life. I like that, but it does make it hard to keep everything organized. So here it is--today will be the day I attempt to organize things--this is the new first post--the one that explains it all--or something like that. Enjoy!!

My name is TJ which stands for Trina Jo. Young family members and people who have known me for more than 25 years call me Trina. Everyone else knows me as TJ. Easy enough!

Ghettopolitan simply means: Trashy chic. Baller on a budget. The appreciation of simplicity and of glamor at the same time. Ego waffles with creme fraiche. You get the picture. It's what I am. I was raised in a working class family and will forever honor those roots--but will attempt e'erday to reach the "finer" things in life. Yes--I know that money does not buy happiness, but it sure as hell helps. Have you EVER flown first class? Yeah--it makes the trip a whole lot better doesn't it? So there.

I'm a comedian and a college professor. That's what I do. I teach communication studies and I'm pretty frickin good at it. Feel free to ask any of the 3,000 students that I have taught. 

As far as the comedy goes--yeah--I'm good at that too. I love the stage, and have wanted to be a performer since I was 4 years old. About 1.5 years ago I decided that I really wanted to pursue a career in comedy. Since that time--I've done about 200 shows, headlined about 50 times, won a number of competitions, performed at well known clubs, did a small tour (which was sold out--thank you very much), have become a sought after host, and made several thousand people laugh. I have a VERY diverse group of fans.

I am currently doing the following: working on a huge project with the World famous Wendy Ho, performing as a  FINALIST in OC's funniest comedian competition on Nov 16th, finishing an autobiographical documentary with filmmaker Bridget Najour, planning my summer tour of the midwest, and pretty much taking the world by storm. Making a living doing comedy is a VERY VERY difficult thing to do, so I am chasing my dreams responsibly. I teach at a number of colleges and universities, do catering gigs when I can (I'm a trained chef), pick up odd jobs, and pretty much just stay on top of my bills. Big things will happen for me in 2013--I know they will-----so-----stick with me, because I never forget the people who support me. I have a manager and an assistant which is pretty frickin cool. They keep me on top of things. My ultimate goal is to make a good living while doing comedy. To keep up with my comedy and such--check me out of facebook OR check out my website which will be up in the next week or two @ tjhuberg.net. If you'd like to know what my comedy is all about--imagine if Larry the Cable Guy and Wanda Sykes were to have a baby--then they let Sarah Silverman and Chris Rock be the Godparents--then they let me spend all my time with Ellen Degeneres and Betty White--yeah--that's me.

 

Comedy is a weird thing. No matter where you are--there is a clear hierarchy. It goes like this:

At the top--MEN--all men--funny, unfunny, black, white, fat, thin--whatever. If you have a penis and want to tell jokes--there is ALWAYS a place for you to do that.

Next in line--"sexy" women--stereotypical thin and sexy and a lil stupid sometimes--you know--laugh at my jokes cuz I'm sexy. If you are a "hot" woman (according to ridiculous standards) you most likely will always have a place to perform.

Next in line--"fat chicks." I'm not being mean by saying that--these are the women who all get on stage and say--yes--I'm a fat chick. They are large women who joke about their weight. It's hard for them to: A. get jobs B. be taken seriously

Next in line--lesbians--usually the people in this category are followed by.....well.....people in this category. They make a lot of jokes about cats and men and vaginas and a large number of them are vegetarian. These women can work--as long as it's a Rosie O'Donnell cruise, some LGBT event (where ALL types of lesbians are allowed--not just the "Ellen's of America) or if they were famous before coming out:)

Next in line--women over 40. Hollywood has made it very clear that women over 40 are disposable. They also believe that women really are not funny so.......if you are over 40 and funny--best of luck with that. It's possible, but yeah--

Beyond the line--one the bottom of someone's shoe is a wad of gum--that's where the following type of comedian lingers: queer, over 40, intelligent female with a muffin top who is unattractive according to social norms. Welcome to my world. I am the comedian on the gum on the shoe, and without my talent--it would be impossible for me to find work. I'm lucky that I am persistent--that all types of people love me and that I have never been afraid of forcing my way thru barriers. It'll happen--you'll see.

I am "married" to the greatest person in the entire world. Myriam and I have been together for 14 years and getting to wake up with her by my side every single day is pretty amazing. She's a brilliant writer. Check out her stuff at Gurbz.com........it's crazy y'all.  I put married is quotation marks because we cannot be legally married in the good ole USA. I am going to blog ALL about Myriam in my next post!

Myriam learning how to shoot!

Orange you glad we are so cute

As far as all the other stuff goes--I guess I'm a very well rounded person. I'm pretty cool, I like myself for the most part, and I'm hilarious, intelligent, and empathetic which are good traits to have. I like lists and I also prefer talking to writing SO--sometimes my blog is done in list form and sometimes I might Vlog (video blog). The rest of this post will be done in lists--so you can all get to know me a little better. Thanks for reading my blog and whether you are new to ghettopolitan or have been following the whole time--thanks for the support. Feel free to comment, come to a show, send me a question, or whatever you'd like. I am going to try VERY VERY hard to post on here at least twice a week. Consistency is pretty important, and I want to keep everyone on top of things--just in case people are wondering! Ok--so here I am---

Lists of five!!

Places I have lived

1. IOWA

2. Pennsylvania

3. Michigan

4. Nor Cal (Northern California)

5. So Cal (Southern California)

Best TV shows EVER!

1. Roseanne

2. GLEE

3. Parenthood

4. The Golden Girls

5. All in the Family/Sesame Street (it's a tie)

Favorite foods

1. Cheeseburgers

2. Fried Chicken

3. Mac and Cheese

4. Pizza--str8 up cheese pizza

5. Myriam's homemade potato salad

Favorite music RIGHT now

1. Mumford and Sons

2. Anything sung on GLEE

3. Taylor Swift--her new album is amazing

4. Flo Rida--

5. Kendrick Lamar

Favorite music ever--like music I've loved for many many many years

1. Eminem

2. Billy Joel

3. Queen

4. Aerosmith

5. N.W.A

Foods I hate

1. Cilantro

2. Beets

3. Sweet potatoes

4. Circus peanuts (those orange things)

5. Shawarma 

Political views

1. Liberal because I have seen this world and choose NOT to live in a bubble

2. We are too divided as a nation and do not care enough about each other. It makes me sad.

3. It is RIDICULOUS that it is 2012 and men are arguing about what women should so with their bodies

4. Equal rights for all should be a simple prospect.

5. Judge Judy would be a great President

Religious views

1. Karma is real

2. There is an after life and mine will be good

3. Love one another

4. Give not because you have a lot, but because you know what it's like to have nothing

5. Julia Sweeney might be right. 

Things that overwhelm me

1. Arts and crafts--the concept is wonderful--the possibilities make me anxious. I will color or do a collage--that's it!

2. The number of cereal choices in any grocery store. It's UNACCEPTABLE

3. Paperwork of any kind

4. Poppy seeds on a bagel

5. The current price of gas

I write haikus so I will leave you with five. I promise to write again soon and to be more diligent with my posts. I'm hoping to hit 25,000 views before Thanksgiving so.....if you like my blog.....pass it on. If you do not--keep it to yourself.

Haikus

I drive a mustang

but can't afford to gas up

gangsta with no funds

it does not matter

what time of day that it is

peanut butter rules

it would be so cool

if hip hop music would use

more frickin banjos

in a perfect world

my life would be a cartoon

that made others laugh

I don't understand

how anyone can enjoy

microbreweries

That's it for today. Thanks for reading! TJ

Update, honoring those we lost, stores that need new names, and some other cool stuff

Let me just start off by saying that I am truly amazed with the number of peeps who read my blog. When I disappear for a hot minute--everyone starts messaging me wondering when I'm going to post. I really don't think that I have much to say, but since y'all seem to like it--here it is:

In the last two weeks I've had three more deaths in my life. 9 deaths of family members and friends in nine months has made this year pretty rough. Sadly, I will inevitably lose another one before the weeks end. I'm feeling sad, nostalgic, inspired, and a little scared. Life is short. My biggest fear has always been dying all alone. Ya know--no one knows, no one cares, no one will come to pay respects--the whole thing. People tell me that I am silly, but it is a very real fear. We all want to make some kind of "mark" on this planet--to be remembered for the good--and frankly, we all want to be missed. The only thing I can do is just carry on with life, offer what I can, and do my best. Quick shout out to those we (Myriam and I) lost this year:

Ricardo Serrano, Maria Luisa Arcelia Serrano, Tatiana De La Tierra, Mel Valentine, Alvin Krogh, Alan King, Yelsin Orge, and Sam Gerloff.

Papa O

Uncle Alvin

Sam In between his parents Bonnie and Dennis

Myriam's Grandmother

Mel

Alan

Tatiana

Ok--now I shall move on to a few topics that are a bit more light hearted.......politics and religion. JUST KIDDING!

The new Joan Rivers book I Hate Everyone Starting With Me is brilliant. I purchased the audio version from audible.com. I prefer the audio version of celebrity memoirs because the celebrity actually reads the book. If you need a good laugh--I highly recommend listening to Ms Rivers rant about what she hates. You'll love it!

I cannot believe the show Pawn Stars is still on the air. Chumlee needs his own show--he is the reason Pawn Stars is still on. No one likes "Big Hoss", or Rick, or "The Old Man"--they are just three arrogant fat bastards who threat each other like crap and pretend to know everything about everything. I'd like to find one person who watches the show because of those three morons. Chumlee is the man.

GROSS

LOVE!!

Most of you who know me know that I am not a fan of Huntington Beach, CA. Not only is HB the American capitol of hate crimes against LGBT--it's also.......well........nevermind. I just do not like it. Today I was in Huntington Beach for a meeting when I heard someone yelling at me from a pickup truck. I cringed and waited for the derogatory slur that was inevitable. To my dismay--the next words from the "dudes" were--your name is TJ, right? Yes. Saw you at a show--you are hilarious! Skeet skeet skeet! Then they gave me the "rock on" sign and drove away. I'm not gonna lie--I liked it. Felt pretty good especially since I had braced myself for some bashing! Thanks dudes. Keep coming to my shows.


There are several businesses that need a name change. Here is a list of ten of them!

1. 24 Hour Fitness
Guess what? If you are not open 24 hours--then you shouldn't be allowed to say that you are.

2. BJ's
Do I even need to say why? Apparently they don't want any lesbians to frequent their establishment. Who gives a rat's ass about the pizookie? I can make a big ass cookie at home.

3. Nothing but Socks
Um.....they also sell hair things and cheap jewelry.

4. Trader Joes
I've tried to barter there--they do not allow it--so the "trader" part should be eliminated immediately.

5. Planned Parenthood
A lot of people who go there didn't plan ahead so there

6. In n Out Burger
Because the burgers are so amazing--no one is EVER just in n out. It's 90% waiting--so in wait and out would be better.

7. Old Skool Yogurt (it's by my house)
There is nothing and I mean nothing about yogurt being "old school." Trying to spell skool more gangsta' makes it even weirder. Gangstas eat ice cream--not yogurt

8. Jack in the Box
I like it and think the name is kind of clever, but when someone who is ESL works the drive thru window--they always say "Welcome to YAK in the box may I take your order?" Um.......Yak? Yeah--never mind. Now I'm picturing throw up and that is the most unappetizing thing in the world.

9. Buffalo Exchange
They never take ANYTHING so there is no exchanging about it. BTW--being a buyer at B.E. is the most powerful job a hipster can have.

10. The Dress Barn
Why would anyone go into a place called the Dress Barn?

I have more, but I'll leave it at 10 for today.

Thy have remade the movie Steel Magnolias with an all black cast. The premiere is October 7th on LIFETIME. I cannot wait. Here is the trailer.

Steel Magnolias Trailer

My comedy is going well and so is this semester of teaching. As soon as I get back to being 100% health wise--I think things will be even better. I'll be at Flapper's Comedy Club on Thursday and at The Irvine Improv on Saturday. I'm working on a cool new project with Wendy Ho, and I'm super stoked about it's potential and the fact that I get to work "wif my boo on the regular. "I'm also getting ready to produce some great comedy shows in Long Beach, Orange County, and L.A. First show will be in October so watch out for information on that. As far as the film "The Artist Formally Known as Trina" goes--everything is pretty up in the air. I'll probably have a better sense about the status of that project before the end of the year, and I promise to keep you all posted. Several of you have written to me about said project. All I can say is that patience will prevail and it will all work out the way it's supposed to.

There should be a law stating that Christmas music cannot be played until after Thanksgiving. I mean it.

I'll leave you with a song by The White Buffalo. This song reminds me of growing up in the country and it makes me think about the awesome times I had with my little brother. I post it today in honor of Sam Gerloff--who also grew up in the country. Sam had 4 siblings and I'm sure they all share fond memories of BB guns and dirtbikes. I send the whole Gerloff family my love. Tomorrow is Sam's funeral and I really wish I could be there to support Bonnie and Dennis as they bury their young son. That has to be the most painful thing in the world. Godspeed, Sam.

BB Guns and Dirtbikes

I'll be back soon. TJ

Short post with 10 horribly amazing songs.

Hello blog readers. Thanks for checking in. All is well in my world. I'm extremely busy which is a nice switch from having way too much free time on my hands. Today's post will be short, but at least there will be one.

Here is a list of 10 horrible songs that I love very much. These songs are so bad that they are good. Chances are most of my friends and readers will like at least 7 of these songs.

1.  Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepson
What does that song even mean?

2. Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice
You know all the words too so don't even judge me.

3. Billy Joel. Any song by Billy Joel especially We Didn't Start the Fire
The synthesizer is so overused in his music, but that's what makes it so amazing.

4. We Built This City by Starship
This song is the nucleus of my teenage years

5. Barbie Girl by Aqua
BRILLIANCE! I want to make a video of this song starring, ME!

6. Friday by Rebecca Black
Best worst song ever

7. Beer for My Horses
Who would give beer to a horse? Toby Keith--that's who.

8. Dilemma by Nelly featuring Kelly Rowland
Nelly and Kelly? Nuf said.

9. Dancing on the Ceiling by Lionel Ritchie
Recently I had a student ask me if I knew that Nicole Ritchie's dad used to be a singer. I plan on failing her at the end of the semester.

10. I Need A Doctor by Eminem featuring his lover, Dr Dre.

Ok--there you have it.

Yes it's true. A "Real Housewife of Orange County" petitioned to be in my class. I did not let her add.

I have nothing else to say tonight. It's been a long day. Myriam's parents arrive tomorrow and will  be here for a few days. Also, I will be performing at The laugh Factory tomorrow night at 8:00. It's going to be an amazing show.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

GLEE recap, words of wisdom, facing another fear, and what is going on

Hello blog readers. Thank you for checking in. I'm happy to say that today's post will be a bit more upbeat than the last few.

As you all know-- the summer was overwhelming for both me and Myriam, then I fell into a bit of a depression. As depression bouts go--this was a bad one. I'm thankful to say that I am officially feeling better and that things are on the up and up. Ready? Here we go.

GLEE was amazing. The cover of "Call Me Maybe" was so bad that it was incredible. The "camp" genre never fails to disappoint. I know not all of you are Gleeks like me, so I'll keep this portion of the post brief.
1. I miss Santana and Mercedes.
2. Puck, Quinn, and Finn--yeah, I'm fine with the fact that they are gone.
3. "Kitty" is a sad substitute for Santana, but I can see myself adoring her by episode 3.
4. Rachel needs to fall in love with that hot boy at NYATA
5. Kate Hudson. I LOVE her, but do not know about her role in GLEE. We will see.
6. MARLEY ROSE IS AMAZING!!!!!
7. I love Unique and Britney.
8. Next week=BRITNEY 2.0 where the cast will do Britney Spears' songs. One of my students is in next weeks episode. I think it's gonna be great.
9. Last night I laughed, I cried, I cheered. Well done.
10. GLEE!!

GLEE--CALL ME MAYBE VIDEO!!


Ok--on to new business. Well, the last few weeks were a bit trying for me. I was having some medical issues that pretty much scared me to death. Long story short--headaches, loss of vision, dizziness, balance problems, numbness on one side of my body, and uncontrollable twitching. I of course went to WEB MD and freaked myself out. I finally decided to go to the Dr. After a number of tests and a lengthly conversation with my Dr--she voiced her concerns. She said that I needed to get an MRI immediately and did not hesitate in telling me that this might very well be brain related--i.e.......tumor. Several thoughts ran through my mind including:
How will I tell people?
This will be quite interesting as far as the documentary goes. It could be a goldmine for tinysuperstars inc.
I need to get stuff in order.
Fuck!
Yada Yada Yada.........I couldn't eat, sleep, concentrate............it was crazy.

Here it is--the results are in:

My hip was dislocated and one of my ribs had somehow moved out of place. I've been "straightened out" so to speak, and now I am pretty much back to normal. I'm not dying.

So---the medical issues along with the stress of dealing with 7 friend/family deaths in 5 months, making a documentary, trying to change careers then deciding not to, having to turn down being on the Ellen show, and adopting a lizard who is the size of a toddler probably contributed to my depression, lack of motivation, and overall sense of doom. Thank you all for your patience and for your love and support. I'm grateful to be back with "the living."

Here is what else is going on:

1. I've been asked to host and produce shows at both the Irvine and Brea Improv. This is a huge opportunity and I'm looking very forward to it. Also--$$ is involved which makes it even cooler.

2.  I've been working on creating a curriculum for Japanese college students who are interested in learning about American culture. This course will be taught by me in the spring. I'll post the brochure when it's ready. Fun Opportunities Abroad is taking this proposal to Japan next month. They will love me.

3. Gonna be catering a wedding for a friend. They love bacon and cheese and potatoes.

4. I'll be opening for Justin Tranz next month. He is a world famous hypnotist. The two of us will be performing at the irvine Improv on Saturday, Sept 29th at 11:00p.m. I will also be at the Laugh Factory on Wednesday, Sept 19th at 8:00.

5. My nephews are pretty much ruling the football field, and I am very proud of them.

6. My latest project involves colleges and universities, comedy, controversial topics, and taking education of race, class, and gender to a whole new level. Oh--and I have a pretty rad P.I.C. (partner in crime.) Look for more details on this very exciting adventure.

7. Bridget and I are still on "break" and I miss her very much. Several of you have emailed me about the film, and I'm really happy that everyone is so excited. All I can say is--it will be worth the wait. We went through a lot to get to the point of post production. I'll be back to posting on tinysuperstars in late October. Making the film has already been life changing for me. I'm proud to have been a part of this project.

8. Myriam has several readings coming up. Also--her blog "lesbrain" is amazing. We have officially begun the planning process for our 15 year anniversary party. It'll be next summer. There will be performers and sno cones. BTW I consider myself to be the luckiest person in the world because of my relationship with Myriam. Just thought you'd all like to know that.

All is well. Thanks for reading. Be back soon.