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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Text mistake, white trash entrepreneur, and jobs I've had

Tuesday's are pretty cool. Mine was anyway. I taught this morning, had therapy (which was great), and went to drum class. Not too much else happened today. Mellow.

Myriam will be home in one week. YAY!! Tomorrow she is in Ann Arbor Michigan--which is where my old stomping grounds are. She is reading at the Aut Bar--the first non seedy gay bar I ever went to. I'm sure she will be able to feel my spirit there. I have friends in Ann Arbor and Ypsilanti--if any of you can--you should go to the reading.

Here are a few humorous things that happened last week. Myriam was texting some friends about how annoyed she was with her boss. She even called her a twat. After the text went through, Myriam realized that the text went to her boss instead of her friends. We both think it's hilarious. It's all straightened out now and Myriam has been more caucious when sending texts.

A young family member of mine who is 13 was seen buying condoms at Wal Mart. I'm from a small town--so of course the person who saw him immediately called his mother. His mother passed the message off to his father. His response was as follows: "Why in the hell is buying condoms?" I just bought him a whole box." Hmmmmm. Well, after he confronted his young son, the truth came out. He had been selling them at school to make some extra money. I think it's brilliant. Let's just hope that if these 7th and 8th graders are actually having sex-- they use these black market condoms. Then it will be a win win for everyone involved.

Dolly Parton says that she loves Lady Gaga. I think that is awesome!! The only thing that will make that better is if they decide to do a duet. My God. That would be one of the greatest colaberations EVER.

Best music lyric of the week: I need you like Jaws needs a raincoat

Best line from Treal TV: Damn, you shot him where his deoderant go

Duran Duran is making a comeback. My cousin Jackie used to LOVE them. If they have a concert in Iowa--I'm gonna fly out and take her.

Here is a list of jobs that I have had. Can anyone beat this?
1. Carny
2. Soda Jerk at Dairy Queen
3. Factory Worker
4. Something illegal
5. Manager of a Christian Grocery Store
6. Fish Monger
7. Baker
8. Deli Owner
9. Funeral plot salesperson
10. Security for the Lakers
11. DM for a coffee company
12. VIP usher for the Kodak Theatre
13. Comedian
14. Wedding officiant
15. Caterer
16. Professor
17. Mystery Shopper
18. DJ
19. After school science teacher
20. Poker and blackjack dealer
21. Food critique
22. Restaurant consultant
23. Salesperson for like a million companies but, the coolest was funeral plots
24. Kosher Chef
25. Speech Consultant
26. Housecleaner
27. Nanny
28. Maintenance worker--which is hilarious because I cannot fix a thing.
29. Hay Baler
30. Telemarketer
31. Barker for Cirque Du Soleil
32. Taps player for military funerals
33. Motorcycle funeral escort
34. Orientation/transfer counselor
35. Dogsitter

There are probably more but that's all I can think of now.

Best Pimp name I have ever heard: Marmalade
Best Psychic name I have ever heard: Peaches

 I'm booked at the Comedy Store in LA on May 8th. Y'all better come out and support. I'm in the Belly Room, I've got new material, and hell--it'll just be fun.

That's it for tonight. Comments are awesome. If you don't want to be anonymous then just sign your name at the end of the post. Yes Katie, I know I still haven't blogged about Mac Dre. It's comin'--be patient. Hyphy Thizzle Dance--SOON!!

Thanks for reading! You are all awesome.


  1. I don't think anyone can beat your list of jobs other than the dirty jobs guy himself :)

    Manager of a Christian gorcery store,
    funeral plot salesman, and Hay baler...
    those stood out the most to me :)

    And yay for 7th and 8th graders practicing safe sex!

  2. Hope the something illegal is done and over!!!

  3. My favorite jobs were the ones involving food i.e. Deli owner, Kosher chef, restaurant consultant, food critique.

    Or maybe Im just hungry. haha.


  4. Didn't you detassle corn? I remember you playing taps.

  5. yeahhh.. I was thinking about the detassling gig too!? Good times~!

  6. Congrats on booking The Comedy Store! I've marked it on my calender.

    My jobs can't compare, but some are interesting! My list includes:

    Rent a Cop
    Gift Basket Packer
    Gift Basket Shipper
    Small Animal Specialist
    Popcorn Shoveler
    Tennis Racket Stringer
    Shoe Salesman
    Cake Builder
    Cake Shipper
    Production Assistant
    and Behavior Therapist.

  7. yay I can't wait to go to your show!!! Whatever I have booked for that day is now gone.